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Bench press
Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for nominating to the Supreme Court a judge with an unassailable record. (Although the reason it’s unassailable is mostly that it’s nearly invisible, except for rulings against the Geneva Conventions and in favor of keeping Cheney’s energy task force records secret. We don’t really know where he stands; perhaps some Senators will ask him questions, and perhaps he will even answer them.)

Thanks, Mr. President, for choosing a man who (as far as we can tell) believes the constitution says women don’t have rights over their own bodies (or maybe he just thinks that’s what the Founding Fathers meant to say). Thanks for naming someone who (apparently) doesn’t believe in the Endangered Species Act but who (seemingly) does believe that separation of church and state has gone a little too far. (Where’s your strict construction now, Judge?)

And thanks mostly for having the vision and imagination to nominate a white man, because obviously that’s a group that’s underrepresented on the Court. I'm sure there were no qualified women or minority contenders. If your man is confirmed, he will be the 109th justice, but only the 105th white man. You know who your constituency is, don’t you, Mr. President?

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